Why Am I Weeping Every Day?

Young “White Arrow”

I don’t have to get up and let her out through the sliding glass door anymore when she wants to go outside. I don’t have to step in her poop in the backyard. I don’t have to listen to her whine and paw her way for more food. I don’t have to listen to her bark when I’m trying to sleep or when a car drives by. I don’t have to keep four gallons of water available for her insatiable thirst. I don’t have to do any of these things anymore, so why am I weeping every day?

These are some reasons why:

  1. I can’t hear people say, when we walk her through the neighborhood, “that is the most adorable looking dog you have!”
  2. I can’t give her any of my table scraps.
  3. I don’t need a doggie bag at a restaurant anymore.
  4. I can’t watch her when I call her name and although she is blind, she looks right at me and her countenance brightens up.
  5. I can’t watch her peep her nose out the doggie door when she senses I’m near.
  6. I can’t drive home and find a dog eager to know I’ve arrived, often waiting just for me, sitting by the fence where I park my car.
  7. I can’t watch her roll around in the yard like she just got let out for recess.
  8. I can’t watch her foraging through and sniffing every inch of the backyard, including the thick ivy where she hopes a critter might be.
  9. I can’t experience a love that is unending for her owner even when she has aggravated her owner to no end.
  10. I can’t watch her do a 360 at age 15 based on these simple words, “Arrow, I’ve got you a treat!”
  11. I can’t say, “Arrow, time to kennel up” and watch her slowly and reluctantly meander through the living room and the kitchen to go to her basement living quarters.
  12. I can’t give her the dredges of my ice cream mug and watch her lick it and enjoy it more eagerly than I enjoyed the three scoops I ate.
  13. I can’t say “Arrow, stop it!” and watch her continue to do what she is doing because she is stubborn.
  14. I can’t watch her, an ageing dog, climb step by step up twelve outside deck steps using each step as a platform to make it to the next step because she is old, stubborn and will make it into the house.
  15. I can’t smell her often repulsive and dirty hound dog’s hunters’ coat of fur.

How I wish I could smell her now!

The loss of a sad looking dog has made me sad looking! When will the weeping end?

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One Response to Why Am I Weeping Every Day?

  1. Julia Flanagan says:

    Thanks for sharing from your heart Rod. It means so much that someone strong like you can share so vulnerably about the loss of a beloved pet. I’ve had to put down three dogs in the last 10 years. I weep like there’s no tomorrow. Hugs.

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